Many of you that receive this newsletter are friends and family and already know that my Dad passed away on December 18, 2019, at University Hospital in Saskatoon, SK. I had just moved to Blanca, Spain (from Madrid after completing my schooling there) when he fell ill in November. He went into the hospital thinking it was pneumonia, but soon after, we found out that it was Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Idiopathic means they don’t know what the cause is and Pulmonary Fibrosis means continual scarring of the lungs, of which there is no cure. 

We still had hope though that he would have a few years (depending on what stage it was) where he could come home aided by an oxygen tank, but that was not to be so. After spending a month with him in the hospital in limbo but with much hope and positivity, the doctors said that there wasn’t more that they could do and he would not be going home. So he asked to be taken off the oxygen, which he hadn’t been able to be without since he was admitted on the 12th of November. 

We were moved from Observation into a private room where we got to just eat pie and drink coffee (which he had not been allowed to because it irritated his throat), while we listened to his favourite country songs and he giggled with the nurses. I couldn’t believe that this was it.

He seemed to have no qualms at all about his decision and no fear of the unknown. He told me not to feel sorry for him because it was going to be beautiful where he was going. Tronn would be there to greet him, amongst many others. I told him I was a little jealous. 

At around 1030PM, he brushed his teeth (stating he knew it seemed a little silly, but he just couldn't go to bed not having cleaned his teeth!) before the nurses helped him get into bed and he instructed me to turn the temperature down (because he likes it cool when he sleeps). I knew that once they gave him enough of the sedative, he would fall asleep and never wake up again. He was very chatty but kept nodding off and then I would give him a little shake to wake up. I knew I couldn’t keep doing this. I had to let him rest. And finally, I let him go.

To love and let go, love and let go, love and let go...it's the single most important thing we can learn in this lifetime.

– Rachel Brathen

For the next several hours, I sat on the bed with him or laid by his bedside. My beautiful cousin, Karen, was not far away throughout the night, either in the family room (with her husband Darren, who also came for moral support) or sitting on the bed with us listening to Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristoffersen, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson...all the greats that reminded us both of our farmer Dads and growing up just down the road from one another.

At 630AM, I said she should go home and get some sleep, as it seemed that Dad was sticking around for much longer than the nurses had said he would. I told him to stay as long as he could. I was enjoying listening to how peaceful his breathing finally sounded. But only an hour after that, his breath faded away and his heart stopped beating. Later, my cousin Steven reminded me that it was our Grandma's birthday that day (my Dad's mother, whose death had devastated my Dad). What timing..and such a gift for him to join her on this day.

How do the geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans, know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within, if only we would listen to it, that tells us so certainly when to go forth into the unknown.

– Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

He looked peaceful, almost joyous. Not lifeless. Just like he was having a delicious nap, sans the toothpick he always had in his mouth.

What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t just leave him there. Alone. And I couldn’t leave the hospital. Alone. When my Mom passed away, my brother and I were there and we left the hospital room together. When my brother died, my Dad and I were there, and we left the hospital together. I hadn’t wanted to ask Karen to come back to the hospital since she just left, but after much pacing back and forth within the room, a voice said, "It is ok to ask for help right now." So I sent Karen a message that Dad had passed and I didn't have to say another word before she was on her way back. 

The funeral home nearest to Birch Hills (my Dad's home) in Prince Albert (2 hours away from Saskatoon) was coming to get him and I didn’t want his body to lay unaccompanied. 

Karen arrived back to the hospital without having a wink of sleep and her brother Murray and his wife Ramona drove in from Birch Hills. All 3 of them stayed with me until the funeral home arrived to get Dad a few hours later. 

Murray was like another big brother when I was really young who lived just down the road from us (and like another son to my Dad), so when he came into the room and swallowed me up in a bear hug and held my hand while I held on to Dad's, it felt like he was a conduit for the fatherly love and comfort I know my Dad would have wanted to give me himself if he could have. Sitting with his body then felt more like a family visit and it allowed me to finally leave him when the funeral home arrived, after being glued to his side for so many weeks. What would I have done without these three to support me at this moment? Well, I am glad that I don't ever have to know. 

The following days were blurry. Trying to make important decisions like what my Dad would wear and which coffin to choose were just too weighty and difficult. Again, Murray and Ramona, who knew my Dad well, helped me to find these answers. He got the same coffin that he and I chose for my brother and wore a casual plaid shirt and jeans, no cowboy boots, cause he always took those off when he wanted to rest.

 

My cousin Susan was also there for me every step of the way. I stayed with her and her husband Dan at their farm where I grew up (Dad had just sold it to their family months earlier), the first couple of nights I was back in Birch Hills. They were hugely supportive and wonderful to be with but I knew that I needed to be alone to plan his celebration of life. So I moved into my Dad’s house in town, which used to be my grandparents, where he had just moved to after he sold the farm. His little sticky note reminders were all over the house and everything was the way he had left it when he went to the hospital. It was so hard to be there, but with time, it felt like exactly where I was supposed to be and where I felt closest to him. 

I had his iPod playing constantly in the background, trying to find just the right song for his slideshow. I didn't want it to be sad but rather a testament to the great life that he had created for himself, so I chose "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits. 

Dad Tribute from Tracey Tomtene on Vimeo.

I was so focused on giving him the best and most proper send off that Christmas passed and I barely gave it a nod. Most important to me were the words in the letter I wrote to him, which I read at the service (at end of post). This was the hardest part as I wanted not to forget anything and give him the tribute and honour he deserved, as we all do for our loved ones who have passed. 

I am now back in Blanca (Spain) where I've stepped into another phase in the grieving process. Much of my time here is spent solo, which allows the reality of my new normal without him to sink in. When I was in Canada, I had many people around or near me most of the time which was a nice diversion from my grief. But now I have no option but to let it have its way with me. 

None of us are immune to death and we are all are touched by it at some point in some way, eventually. I know from enough experience now that grief is something I know I cannot push away or control. When it comes, I surrender to its grip, and I let it take me down, way down into the deepest, darkest sadness. Because I know it is impossible to outrun. 

The pain is there; when we close one door on it, it knocks to come in somewhere else.

- Irvin Yalom

Last year, I said goodbye to my beloved cat, Pusskin, who I loved and adored for 14 years, I stayed in my apartment and cried for 3 days, feeling like the tears would never stop. I felt her very near to me. In a dream, she looked at me very sternly as if to say, "Pay attention to what is about to happen". It was then that my feet started tingling and the sensation went all the way up to my heart, where it woke me from my slumber. I knew right away what it meant. That she was now a part of me. Just as everyone I've lost is still a part of me. My biology. My biography. 

The cords that cannot be cut, are those of love, even with death. I know my Dad's spirit still lives through me, in my heart and in my mind, along with my Mom and my brother. 

People die. Love does not. 

Dearest Papa, 

I really was not ready for you to leave this early. But if there is anything that I have learned in this life so far, it’s that one is never ready to say farewell to those we hold closest to our hearts. 

Still, I thought that if anyone could evade death, it was you. That if you had decided to, and just put your mind to it, like anything else in your life, you could stay. Even with a lung disease, you seemed so vital and strong. I believed nothing could take you down.

So when I heard those words from you last week, that it was time for you to go, neither my brain nor my heart could compute it, despite knowing throughout this journey that there was a very real possibility you may not get to leave the hospital.

All of these last weeks, we lived in limbo, not really knowing whether you would get better or not. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, after living your whole life on your own terms, calling your own shots and being fully independent, to then be tethered to a wall in order to be able to breathe, unable to go any further than the length that the oxygen tube allowed. You weren’t able to eat anything without coughing or talk for more than a few minutes at a time without becoming winded. You maintained an optimistic outlook through it all, did everything you could do to try and heal and hoped that you would be able to leave there eventually, even if it meant carrying an oxygen tank wherever you went. More than ever, you saw so clearly what a gift life was. To live. To love and to be loved.

You told me no matter what happened, you were going to be a winner. If you got to live, you would do it to the fullest and if you didn’t, well, then you knew there was a beautiful mystery awaiting you on the other side.

Maybe you weren’t consciously aware, but I look back now and think on some level, you knew your time here was coming to an end, well before you went into the hospital. 

When I was home this past September, you told me the combination to your safe and had me open it when you weren’t there to make sure I was able to do it, without any instruction from you.  

When I looked inside, I found a “To Do” list that you made for yourself a few months after Tronn had passed away. One of the points said, “If I knew I only had one year to live, what would I do?” And beside the question in capital letters, you wrote, “DO IT!!” 

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago in the hospital, you said that you had crossed everything off of your bucket list and didn’t have anything more you felt you needed to do. How lucky you were to be at this place in your life, at the end of your life. 

You had been philosophizing with friends about the afterlife, you had sold the farm and purged and organized much of your belongings. You were giving money to several people and organizations; which was another point you had written down on your list, “Help others financially, when opportunities arise.”

You also listed that you wanted "to visit lonely people more", but my whole life I had always known you to do that. You had a soft spot in your heart for those who didn’t have a lot of family or friends or struggled financially. I so loved that about you. 

I also loved and could relate to the introvert that you were. Another point read, “Try to go into Birch Hills and Prince Albert more for coffee.” And in capital letters beside it you wrote, “TRY!” I am not sure if you did this one as I know how hard it was for you to put yourself in social situations often, but it makes my heart proud that you realized how good it would be for you to get out of your comfort zone and not be alone all the time.

Another point…”Accept my age and try to be content, as I do have it pretty good!”

Indeed there had been strife in your life, much loss and loneliness, but none of us are immune to these experiences and without them, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to evolve as humans. Each year that I knew you, Dad, you became a better person. Not just because of what life experience had put you through but because you made a conscious CHOICE to be.

This last week, going through your photo albums and seeing how much you got to smile, laugh, travel and how long you were able to keep farming; a career that you had so much passion for, well, it has helped my broken heart to feel a little less broken, being reminded of the wonderful life you created for yourself here.

And the last point you wrote: 

"Think of all your blessings and be at peace."

I witnessed you living this statement so much lately, but especially the last weeks of your life. Everyday you seemed to be able to find something to be grateful for in that hospital. 

We were so lucky to be able to have this time, just you and I, father and daughter. The most we’ve been able to spend together day after day like that, probably since I was a little girl. It was sad sometimes of course because of the situation and place we were in, but despite this, I think we both knew that we had been given a special gift.

You got to tell me stories I had not ever heard and how proud you were of me and I was able to not just thank you, but explain to you in detail, just how much your example, advice and support has helped me throughout my life. I had the great honour of caring for you and being with you for your last breaths. I was blessed to have this with Mom and Tronn also. If I could be granted one wish, it would be to have all three of you here with me again, but instead I get to have not one, not two, but three guardian angels guiding me and keeping me safe. And if anyone knows that I need a little extra help to keep from tripping and falling on my face on a daily basis, it’s you. 

When I called “Unca Don” Swenson after you passed, he said that he just finished listening to a song that reminded him of you and the way you lived your life, “I Did It My Way” by Frank Sinatra. You certainly did. Right up to your last breath, with grace, dignity and love, hugs and music all around you. 

This is not goodbye Papa, just farewell. Give my love to Tronn and I will see you soon.

Love, 

Fusty Wusty  

Moving to Madrid!

 

I am moving to Madrid. Say what?! I myself have to read and re-read these words to believe it is actually happening!

These last few months have been a blur dealing with the red tape of moving myself there, applying for school and a student visa, booking flights and an apartment not to mention moving out of the apartment that I have lived in for the last 12 years. I've sold my car and most of what I own in Vancouver and only bringing a suitcase, laptop and camera to Madrid. This feels light and free and so right:)

The final decision to go was in mid-January, but it all started back in September when I went to NY to Photoville. Being immersed in the photography scene there made me long to be a part of it again. I was in a sea of strangers most of the time, yet I felt a feeling of being home, like I was with my tribe again.

Photography is not only a vehicle to help me best express myself creatively, but it is also my therapy, the thing that gives me goosebumps and moves me and connects me to like-minded souls. I am present and appreciate the moment. I could also describe travelling in the exact same way.

So long story short, I got home and started researching schools around the world and decided on the Istituto Europeo di Design in Madrid. I applied for the European Master in Contemporary Photography and learned of my acceptance in December. I wish I could say the decision to move forward after that was a no-brainer but there is one really big factor that has held me back from pursuing and doing a lot of things in the past and I needed to figure out if I was willing to take what for me is a gigantic crazy scary OMG WTF am I doing kind of risk.

Rewind to '08 when I quit my job to take a year-long sojourn through SE Asia and NZ. I thought I was marking the beginning of a crazy chapter of globe-trotting, camera in hand and many a National Geographic and Surfer's Journal publication in my future. But if you're a long time reader, you'll know my health went super wonky after that and the years following got really muddy. I had long, sporadic debilitating bouts of illness for years. Physically, I felt HORRIFIC and this, of course, weared on me mentally and financially. When you feel like you are dying but you don't know why, you're spending thousands but no one seems to be able to help you, you can't give what you are suffering from a name and no one wears a bracelet or runs a marathon for it, you feel very, very, very ALONE. 

Skip to the last couple of years, I still struggle from time to time but it is not nearly as bad as it used to be (thanks to this very special lady). It still gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about those years. 

The thing that has become worse and is still a major issue is my aversion to alcohol. Any kind of exposure to it (which is always by accident such as it unknowingly being in my food) leads to being bedridden for days and days after. Unfortunately, year after year, I seem to become more and more sensitive and it is at the point now where even being on an airplane with people drinking nearby will take me out for several days after. This makes travelling REALLY, really terrifying.

The things I used to do on the regular like going out to dinner in establishments that served alcohol, going to an art opening, watching a band in a bar, being a vendor at an outdoor festival with beer gardens nearby, hanging out with a friend at their place while they have a cocktail....all of the above have made me seriously ill in the last few years and in turn propelled me into a more reclusive life.

You don't see too many people running for their lives at the site of a patio bar or taking cover when a glass of wine is being poured on a plane. And if you ever wondered why I'm single, need I say more? ;) 

I know what you are thinking and yes I have sought mental help:) It is not all in my head (if it were, it might be easier to treat). My body simply cannot metabolize alcohol and it's been going on since about my early 20s and gotten worse with age.

So why in the heck are you going to Madrid of all places then...where there is a bar for every 132 inhabitants?!

Here is the short answer courtesy of Anais Nin: 

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I have had ENOUGH. I am tired of putting my dreams on hold until things are just perfectly right to chase them. Tired of every day being the damn same but still expecting that things might somehow change. Tired of being at home..alone..a LOT. Tired of working my tookus off and not really moving ahead or feeling rewarded. Tired of feeling I am in the wrong place.

Will I be able to partake in tapa bars, fiestas, art openings, dance clubs and dinner parties there? Well, no (but I still hope that someday things will be different). A wise friend pointed out to me when I was contemplating not going, even if I am doing Madrid at only 60%, it is still better than staying stagnant in Vancouver, in the same place. I could not argue with that! My spirit and soul both want more.

"The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them."

- Charles Bukowski

Thomas Moore says that our spirit is that part of us that wants to transcend and grow so we can improve ourselves. The soul, on the other hand, needs a home or a sense of home - a place where we feel we are in the right part of world. He also says, if we hold back or say no to life, the soul gets wounded.

Vancouver is beautiful but it has never felt like home to me, nor have I ever come home to anyone there. I have had my fill of incessant rain and the serious lack of connection I feel there. Humans are, after all, solar/soular powered. 

My lust for adventure, photography and travelling has been stifled for much too long. I KNOW that when you listen to and do what your spirit and soul want and put your faith in knowing that there is something bigger out there backing you, only amazing things can come from that.

"Happiness is the joy that we feel when we're striving after our potential."

- Ancient Greeks

The most painful decision I had to make through this was to find Sigurd and Pusskin a temporary home while I am gone. I was hellbent to bring them until I realized how long and gruelling the flight would be for them and I don't want to take the risk of that traumatizing them or negatively affecting their health in any kind of long-term way.

So, I found them a FABULOUS temporary home in Vancouver through a friend where they have sweeping views, a giant jungle gym and lots of stairs to climb, but most importantly a loving couple to care for them. An example of how life helps you along when you're moving in the direction of your dreams.

I have closed up the jewelry portion of my biz at least for now and focussing solely on my photography. If you are a BC local, my hand stamped jewelry will still be available for sale at Two of Hearts Clothing Boutique, Giving Gifts and Favourite Gifts as well as Migration Boutique on the island until stock runs out (I won't be replenishing after that). Giving Gifts and Favourite Gifts will continue to stock my photo printed clothing which includes yoga leggings, skirts and shorts (also avail online). 

Photography prints on paper, wood, metal, canvas and acrylic will still be in my online store as well as leggings, skirts and shorts and the latest: draped kimonos!

 

 Thank you for supporting me by reading these posts, purchasing my work and connecting in person and digitally! My future blog posts will be about living and travelling in Spain (and hopefully other parts of Europe), everything photography and any wisdom worth sharing along the way. I would love for you to join me in the adventure and if you have any of your own stories about facing and overcoming your fears, I would love to read them! 

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

- Howard Thurman

Up next: Photos from pre-trip pit stops in Saskatchewan and NYC en route to Madrid! 

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Happy Holidays and Thank You!

At Market Collective taken by the talented Kevin J Mellis

I hope wherever you are in the world, you are smiling and WARM. It is approximately minus 1000 degrees in Alberta right now and only getting colder in the next week. I tried to go for a walk today and lasted a full 12 minutes so apparently have officially become a pansy west coaster! I will be spending Christmas here and then off to Saskatchewan to spend the remainder of the season with my Dad at the farm:)  This market season was a DOOZY. I had 5 markets back to back and have to say that a lot of things went a little wonky along the way! There was freezing rain, delayed parcels, a frozen neck, a never ending cough that may have caused said frozen neck, more delayed parcels, display malfunctions, the forgetting of important components, etc. BUT through it all there were many, many highlights and things that went very RIGHT.  Some of those highlights consisted of the people that showed up to help along the way when I felt a meltdown was imminent. I had rolled into Edmonton a day later than planned because of various kerfuffles and these friends (one of which I hadn't seen since I was 17 and the other whom I'd never even met til that night!) came to help me get set up the night before Make It started. Note look of extreme relief on my face.  And the random guy walking his dog past me while I tried to smush my 6 foot wood display in my car (had kept it at my friends' place who were away in Mexico when I arrived to grab it for the show) and went home and came back with ties to help me secure it to the roof of my car! Not to mention, all the wonderful customers who came to these shows to not only support local artisans but also dole out hugs and share amazing life stories too.  There are times when I wonder if what I do matters at all. Is all the work really worth it? Am I helping anyone?    But then someone tells you how they bought your "Do Epic Shit" necklace to give to their friend who is a Human Rights Lawyer and wears it whenever she has a big case or customers who come to my booth wearing a piece of jewelry they bought years ago and say its still their fave. That kinda stuff makes my little heart just plain GLEEFUL! On top of all this, there are all the vendors I get to work alongside. I've said it once, I'll say it again - they are some of the hardest, most down to earth, kick ass people I know and it is a pleasure to know them all.  I can't send this out without mentioning these two. My Mom passed away 6 years ago as many of you know and my brother earlier this year. All of us are missing someone and the holidays amplify that void even more. I am going share what I try to practice myself, which is to focus on all the good memories I have of them. When those waves of grief show up, I mourn and allow myself to feel and cry, but I do not let myself get pummelled for too long for I know our loved ones would want us all to live the remainder of our lives with as much joy, ease and love that we can muster. I also want to mention our cat, Ginger Puff, who lived on the farm with my Dad. We lost him last week and neither of us are looking forward to being there without him. He has been a great comfort to us through our grief and really would have loved if he could have stuck around a little longer, but we are so grateful for the time he spent with us.  I am sending all my love and A-LOT-TA hugs to everyone. There will be some big changes in the coming year which I will write about soon. Until then, I leave you to your festivities and wish you all a wonderful holiday season and the biggest and BEST wishes for 2018 from myself and my assistant, Sigurd.

How to Not Plan the Perfect Trip to NY

Do you ever travel to a place and feel like maybe you might belong there? Ever since the first time I went to NY 11 years ago, I have felt this way. I can't fully explain it but when I am there I feel like it's right where I should be. At the very least, I feel like I am a part of something really cool and BIG. As a photographer, it is my Mecca. There is never not anything interesting to photograph and more galleries, workshops, and inspiration than one could ever dream of. But the best thing about New York is its people. I don't feel invisible there like I sometimes do in Vancouver. When I sneeze on the subway, someone blesses me. If I am carrying my suitcase and camera equipment, someone always comes to help me carry it up the subway stairs or onto a train. I know this is not everyone's experience, but every trip has always brought kind and interesting people into my life.  Top: Cait at St. Anne's Warehouse (Photoville), Left: Photographer Louis Mendes with his Speed Graphic Camera, Right: Manhattan from DUMBO I arrived to my friend Cait's place on Wednesday after taking an overnight flight from Vancouver, where I had been just a few hours after arriving back from Saskatchewan. Jet lagged from the flight, I walked around her neighbourhood in Brooklyn until she got home. Cait and I met in Thailand in '08 on a jungle trek and have managed to keep in touch and see each other fairly regularly since. Finally feeling half human on Thursday, Cait and I took in a talk by combat photographer, Finbarr O'Reilly and retired U.S. Marine, Thomas J. Brennan at Columbia University. Long time Facebook friends, I had met Finbarr 5 years ago when he was in Vancouver briefly and was delighted to learn that he was in NY promoting his book that evening, Shooting Ghosts. Cait is a Social Worker at the Veteran's Hospital so she was especially interested in the subject matter. It is an authentic and powerful book shedding much light on the aftermath of war and the toll it can take from both a soldier's and journalist's perspective. Definitely check it out!  Afterwards, we took in a bit of Photoville which takes place at Brooklyn Bridge Park. It is a modular event built out of shipping containers where you can view exhibitions, lectures, workshops and outdoor screenings. I could have just camped out there all week! I actually had a moment while alone in an exhibit where I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was SO grateful to be there. My soul needed a location change badly and to be nourished with photographic inspiration. I spent Friday at Photoville as well and had "planned" to go again on Saturday. Before I left for NY, I kept repeating this mantra: "Thank you for allowing me to lead a divinely guided life." Meaning that I would have a plan but I wasn't going to try and control it too much and be open to detours and other goodies the universe might have in store for me. So after FINALLY getting on the "right" train Saturday (there was so much subway construction!) to go back to the photo festival, I realized I was instead going the exact opposite way of my intended destination and well on my way towards Rockaway Beach in Queens. Oopsies! I got off the train to regroup. I was really looking forward to the lectures that day, in particular the one on conservation and was not at all dressed for the beach, nor did I have my long lens, battery charger, sweater, proper shoes etc. After texting with Cait and being reminded of my mantra, I got back on that train in good faith that I was indeed on the "right" one and continued onward to Rockaway Beach. I went to Elegante for my usual "White Pizza" (mozzarella and cottage cheese on the most scrumptious, heavenly dough) and then over to Boarders to say hello to the owner, Steve, before heading to the water to catch some beach action.  Rockaway Beach, Queens The weather was hot and hurricane season was bringing in a nice swell. I was stoked. I first went there to shoot when I attended David Alan Harvey's workshop in 2009, went back again in 2010 and then for Red Bulletin in 2016. Since Hurricane Sandy in 2012, it has rapidly gentrified and become a popular hipster destination with wine bars, fashion boutiques and popular restaurants. I am glad I was able to experience it for the little known surf paradise it was pre-Sandy, but still love it all the same. I had texted my friend Mike on my way out there and we made plans to meet up after I was done shooting. Meanwhile, my friend Sean who I had also hoped to see, texted to say he was back from sailing and making dinner if I wanted to join him, but Cait and I had also talked about meeting in Little Italy for a festival later on. I had a stressful moment trying to figure out what I should do before I calmed myself with the mantra yet again...thank you for allowing me to lead a divinely guided life. I connected to wi-fi to check on Mike's whereabouts but hadn't received a text yet. Around the same time, Cait texted to say her beau was going to meet her at the festival so I didn't need to feel pressure to join since he was already there. I felt that I was being lead to only one choice. So, I went with the flow and headed down to Sean's to have dinner with him!  Beach 60th, Rockaway Beach, Queens Beach 90th, Rockaway Beach, Queens This lead to a long, lingering meal and a fantastic evening of catching up on the last year of our lives. Sean was one of the first people that I met in Rockaway in '09. He has introduced me to many of the locals there, let me crash at his place so I didn't have to keep making the 90 minute subway ride to Brooklyn and back and been the subject of many of my photos.  Getting to hang out with him again turned out to be exactly what my spirit needed and I spent 3 more days shooting on the beach and around town, eating MORE white pizza, making new friends, indulging in some quality hammock time and the biggest highlight - sailing around Jamaica Bay on a sunny afternoon with Sean! Not at all what I had "planned" for this trip but certainly better than what I could have dreamed up.  What the universe will manifest when you are in alignment with it is a lot more interesting than what you try to manifest.    - Adyashanti  I did finally hit Manhattan the last 2 days I was there to check out photography galleries and to wander with my camera in my favourite neighbourhoods. I did not want to leave. Alas, duty was calling back in Vancouver where I had committed to doing the Etsy show.  Greenwich Village, NY As much as I wanted to stay, I was so happy that I got to go on this trip at all. More proof that the universe is always conspiring in our favour when we do things that light up our soul...which in turn, lights up the world!  Over and over and over again it has been proven to me that surrendering to what is, instead of trying so hard to control everything, is the most peaceful, abundant path. Add a little faith and there is no telling what magic will come. Do you have any stories like this? If so, I'd love to read about them!   Beach 90th, Rockaway Beach, Queens Upcoming Holiday Markets  Really, I have no business writing this blog right now because I am so outrageously busy prepping for the upcoming holiday markets!! But I had to finish it now or it would certainly have ended up in the graveyard of unwritten blogs.  I will be making the trek to Make It Edmonton again but this time I am also popping up to Calgary to do Market Collective! This will be my first show there and I am amped to get to see so many Calgarian friends. Click below to check out more market deets:   Funky Finds Maple Ridge Make It Edmonton  Market Collective Calgary Make It Vancouver  Women's Winter Faire Vancouver Thank you for taking a moment to read and I hope to see you out there this holiday season. Stay warm (or cool depending what hemisphere you're reading this from!) and keep in touch:) Mucho love and gratitude,